Saturday, July 25, 2009

Post 9: Control Freakishness and Life Lessons

As stated earlier, I have a bit of an issue with control. I don't so much try and control people, but situations in general. I find that I plan out everything to a tee until it's been planned to death. If I go shopping, I plan where to go, and what to buy and the order in which I must do those things.
If I have more than 2 things to do in a day, I have to write them down or else I feel like I've lost my mind. It's not really that great a situation sometimes and can be very limiting. Partly it comes from my childhood. We're planners in my family and the first decade of my life was rather sporadic with the moving and the making of new friends, and the removing. So as I became an adult, I felt it was necessary by all means to control my circumstances.

This year has largely been out of my control. After grad, it's been difficult to find work. I have some things on the go, but it's not where I envisioned myself at all.

A wise woman once told me that I am here because this is where I need to be. That I need to learn that things unfold, quickly or slowly. That is not something I control. When things happen, they happen for a reason. Sometimes it's a slow go and sometimes it all happens at once. It's been a learning and I've been resistent to accept this. But seeing as I can't do anything about it, rather than totally become complacent, I'm letting life happen to me for once, rather than happening to life.

Sometimes you just gotta let go. All the calendars in the world can't help you dictate where you're supposed to be. All you can do is take the necessary steps as the path unfolds in front of you.


Kathryn said...

Since I have been out of school I feel like I don't have any control. At first and even now I feel out of control. But as I have been told by many other people, that I have more control since it is up to me to plan every moment in my day. Their is no school to tell me what to do when. i can take what I liked about school and use it when i want to on my on time. All I can say is after school it is "transition time". I just had a nightmare that I was in highschool and I was one course short of graduating. And then I woke up sweaty and turned to my side and saw my Masters of Music degree hung on my wall :)

Mehnaz said...

the end appears to be a bit of a relief. Yes, transition time. It's best to be where you are in those moments, but again, not complacent about it :)