Saturday, July 25, 2009

Post 31: I Shaved My Legs Upto the Knees For This? Expectations, Men and Divorce

If you don't already know by now, you've probably at least come to the conclusion that I am a child of divorce. My parents got divorced many years ago and I've been raised by my mum (an awesome woman) ever since. Well, there's no more raising to do, but you know what I mean. She's a super lady too.

I have to say though, that as a child of divorce, you take on some interesting perspectives of the opposite sex, some of which is tempered through the lens of a divorce. Now, I'm not going to say I hate all men or any of that malarkey. It's not nice. I have more male friends than female friends and they are gems. I am quicker however, to find faults in relationships.

Yes, that's right. I can get judgey. I think it's easier for women who are divorced or the children of women who are divorced to be harder on men. Some might stem for the need or the necessity of independence. And sometimes it might just come out of the fact that it's been a let-down so far. It's just much easier to write off a flaw than it is to look past it.

I'm perfectly happy where I am and I am slowly (veeerrrry slowly) learning to give love a chance. I don't want to miss it really if/when I happen upon it.


Anonymous said...

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste to the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake thme in their clinging to the earth.
. . .
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Mehnaz said...

You've been paying attention :)

4mphibian said...

Thank you for this post!

I was raised by Dad after Mom left, but Dad was raised by his Mom after his Dad left....

Mehnaz said...

Makes a difference doesn't it?

carolyn said...

I completely understand what you're saying here. I see the same thing in my friends who are ACOD's too. I think it kind of comes from our fear of repeating our parent's mistakes. I tell you, divorce sure leaves it's mark on us!

Mehnaz said...

Hey Carolyn,
You are so right. We want to learn from those mistakes, and not make them, but we can't really know what's going to happen in the future. So we hold back, which is ultimately not so good for us in the end either.