Monday, May 11, 2009

The Disappearing Act

Current Mood: Awake
Current Song: Lauren and I by Keith Harkin

Hey, I have a question for you today. I'm just curious really to hear from my male readers (all two of you). I have been talking to some girlfriends of mine and they seem to have similar issues with their men. And I'd like some insight please.
I call it the disappearing act. It's when the guy disappears for a span for five to ten days with no contact whatsoever. It usually precedes some kind of "talk", whether it's the breakup or some kind of "run away to the circus" talk. It's happened more than once to some people I know and we've tried to understand over many a plate of cake, what the deal was here.

Now I understand the whole idea of needing time to think and process. No problems there. As an introvert, I take lots of time to process something before I can talk about it or come back into contact with people. The difference with me is that I usually will let people know that i need some time to myself and that I will eventually come back after I've had the time. What I don't understand is the clear dropping off the face of this earth. Anyone?

As women, you men should know that it worries us half to death having this happen to us. We have any number of scenarios running through our heads, usually having to do with fatalities, accidents and possibly death. It's not good to worry us like that. Some of us, are not phone people, but a little note might help diffuse our impending nervous breakdowns.

All I want to know is why it happens, so that i have something to tell my very worried girlfriends.

In honour of the disappearing act, here is a photo of a dandelion that I took at the first barbecue of the summer. Comment away!


Anonymous said...

I may be the wrong person to be asking about this, because the whole concept of "disappearing" doesn't make sense to me either. In fact, when I took a break from the web for three weeks, I wrote a post on twitter and all my blogs explaining that I was going away and when I was coming back.

All that said, I think one of the reasons guys may drop off the face of the earth for a while is because it saying "I need some time" may be construed as a sign of weakness. I know lots of people told me that my time off seemed weak (especially if they knew why I was taking it) and was a poor reflection on my character.

It's a big stereotype, but it's worth noting that for many men still, portraying weakness is not a comfortable or desirable act.

Then again, I'm just speculating here...

Mehnaz said...

Good thoughts, and understandable why it might be seen as a sign of weakness. I guess to me it's really weak to not be accountable. But then again, perhaps that's the difference between how men and women think?

Thanks for commenting :)

Karim Kanji said...

Mehnaz -

Disappearing Act - verb. Equal to both men and women.

Many a women...okay, maybe just one...have told me they needed a break, wanted to find themselves, too young to be tied down, etc.

I think it's all the same thing.

Taking "time off" from a relationship is a weird concept to me. In fact, I don't think it exists. We are either in a relationship (marriage, dating, friends or otherwise) or we are not. Taking time off is something we do with work, blogging, playing baseball, watching TV.

It's not something that should involve people.

Is this a man/women thing. Maybe, because women seem to complain in public while we never hear of men complaining.

However, I think it's a maturity issue.

P.S. Send Luongo our love!

Mehnaz said...

Thanks KK
Yes, perhaps it's unfair to say that only men do it (it's my experience being on this side of the fence I suppose).

I have heard a lot of people taking "time off" as it were. What I think my contention is with this issue is that many a time, one partner isn't aware of it. that's the odd part.

I will send Luongo your love. Poor chap. He's getting heat from vancouverites. I think we played a close game. Forever a Canuck!