Monday, April 27, 2009

Unbreakable

Current Mood: I'm thinking a lot lately. It's probably taking a turn for the worst.
Current Song: Mr. Hurricane by Beast

Nobody told me what it will be like to be in my late 20's. Someone should write a manual about these things. Last week, I cried three times. Once during an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I have never done that. I have cried in 3 movies probably in my entire life (In case you're curious, they were "Amistad", "Dumbo" and "Veer-Zara"). I'm not insensitive. I'm just hard-shelled (I would make an awesome turtle). Clearly, I seem to be softening in my old age.

I've always thought of myself as a pragmatist. I think through everything. Even those things you can't think through, I try and rationalize (like love. that's NEVER worked). That hard shell has helped. But I guess after having it for so long, it might be turning against me in some ways. I always thought I was strong like that. That having built up this veneer makes you ultimately resistent to things life throws at you. I was wrong in some sense.

I broke a few years ago. Broke pretty badly actually. I'm back together and better than ever, but every now and then, I'm reminded that I'm still breakable. It's probably not a bad thing, but I have yet to come to terms with it. I'm supposing here that the strongest people are those that are willing to make themselves vulnerable to the elements. After all, how can you get your thick skin if you're hidden away, right?

It's probably not a bad thing. But I do wish someone would have told me about this crisis before it hit. I'll probably write about some other things I'm discovering in the process as I go along. Maybe it'll help another lost 20 something through life.


2 comments:

Karim Kanji said...

Like your post!

mehnaz said...

thanks :)